A letter from Dave…more dating talk….

My friends completely amaze me, daily. This is a letter I received from my friend Dave, re: my dating blog. I will respond in the next blog. It’s fantastic. I am humbled. Ladies – we need to start paying more attention. Dave – we just wrote you in a script…hope you don’t mind

So I give you my letter from Dave. (yes, he knows I’m putting it up on here)

I planned to send this a few nights ago, but felt that it might be too much of a rant. After reading your blog post, I was trying to figure out whether to sum it up in six words or six hundred. Guess which one you got.
So here we go…

Nice guys? We don’t exist.

We’re told that a woman wants a man who’s Wild at Heart, but who’s fluent in the Five Love Languages. If we have somehow come to any semblance of mastery of the two and have allowed God to do some selective surgery, we often become that guy who’s “just a friend, one of my dearest friends.” No guy wants to be that.

You’re right. The jerkier we are, the more women are drawn to us. It doesn’t make sense. Isn’t saving the bad boy God’s job anyway?

Return a call, say thank you, really pay attention – and then show it by doing something nice? You’re screwed. Actually, you’re not even close to getting that far, but that’s another story. Splurge on a world-class date just a little too early? She gets the idea that she has the upper hand and the fun is over, even if she only thinks that she has it. Don’t try to kiss her on the first date; she wonders why you didn’t want to or if you’re gay. Try to kiss her; she “isn’t that type of girl.” We can’t win, can we?

Some of us are already chairmen, doctors, lawyers – conservative, traditional, thought-of-as-heartless, life-loving Republicans many of us – who own our houses, and who pay more than idealistic lip service to the issues of community, justice, equality, and economic opportunity. We think that the church has abdicated its responsibility to the government in too many areas and are working to change that.

We develop community athletic programs, fund educational opportunities for missionaries, build churches, help buy buildings for youth centers, mentor students, and make significant relationships with other men for the purpose of growth, friendship and encouragement.

We love our families and our friends, and we show it. We visit our friends in jail, hire people who need work, and sometimes pay their bills when they get in a bind. We play hard. We pray hard – for our country, for our pastors, and to be in God’s flow – not just in His way.

We look for chances to say a word, to offer a smile or to buy someone’s groceries at just the right time. We enjoy the ‘hood where we’ve chosen to become a part of life. We look at people not as evangelism projects, but as humans. We’re beginning to “get” grace and in so doing, we understand that God works on us individually and in his time, and have become more forgiving and more patient, despite some accusing us of “losing our spiritual edge” when we’re slow to condemn others.

We’re misunderstood when we complain about the abuses of the welfare system, but would give another person anything he needed at the expense of something for ourselves. Many nights when things quiet down, we wonder if we’re trying to fit a round peg into a square hole because life doesn’t always turn out the way we expected.

We want a woman who will come along side, revel in being better together and still somehow let us be the man to whom she was attracted in the first place.

Oddly, despite what we think a woman should recognize as God’s work in our lives, we can’t shake her suspicion that time will reveal us to be “too good to be true.” We’re not overly quirky or just plain weird.

But nice guys can’t exist. Most women won’t believe that when God removes the asshole, He doesn’t take the testicles, too.

When you pray, ask God to show you who we are. We hide in plain sight and we’d ask you out in a minute, except that many of you are waiting for someone to show up at places we don’t go when we’re looking for you. Our bar-time isn’t for meeting women. It’s for whatever it is that guys do as guys. Even we’re not sure what that is.

We assume that God will deliver you to our doorstep since after all, if there is a perfect girl for us, God certainly wouldn’t have us not be introduced.